you use the word like a weapon
i wish it could actually cut my skin

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  • #gender #dysphoria #genderqueer #pronouns #poem #i dont know
  • 4 days ago
  • 4

show down

You grew up on top of hill, it makes sense that you are comfortable there

It took me years to climb the hill to join you in this city

I assumed that you would want to keep climbing with me when I reached you

I’m starting to think that I was wrong

There’s plenty of food and beautiful weather here

But I don’t belong. I know it. It feels like I’m just visiting for a while

The people on this hill treat me like a criminal

You are kind and loving, but it feels like you’re waiting for me to change

We have been through everything together

We have been everything to eachother

But I need to keep climbing, to the top of that mountain and over the other side

I wish you would come with me, but I fear that you won’t

i find myself planning for a future without you, I know how selfish that sounds

Shouldn’t I wait here for you until you’re ready?

I’m scared that I’ll be waiting until I’m old and grey and wilted on the inside

There’s going to be a show down, you vs me

Who will wait the longest for the other to change?

High noon is coming to this city on the hill, and I’m wishing I could just stop time

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  • #scribbles #relationships #show down
  • 1 month ago

All I know is that without feminism I would have never learned to believe that I deserve to take up space on this earth and I probably would have wasted away and let myself die. Feminism gives me the strength to fight for myself.

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  • #why we need feminism #feminism #feminist #feminism literally saved my life #eating disorder #depressive #recovery
  • 3 months ago
  • 3


It was cold out. That sparkling, wonderful kind of cold. We were walking around the pond, laughing and kicking clouds of powdery snow into the air. I slipped and fell while trying to show off, and you helped me up with your cute little mittened hands. I felt so lucky to have you. You were my first friend. The first person who ever listened to my dreams and didn’t think they were silly. Your huge blue eyes were always happy and you pulled me up out of myself. You made me feel larger than life. We sat up for hours at night, talking until our voices were horse and then whispering instead. How did we find so much to talk about? I never thought about what my life would be like without you. Why would I?

It was cold out today. The sun was shining through the ice in the trees and it made me think of that day at the pond. We grew up and my dreams started to scare you. Your big blue eyes filled up with concrete when I asked questions about eternity, and you made me feel ashamed of myself. Every once in a while I think up something silly that I know would make you smile. I want to whisper it to you. I want to remember what our voices sound like laughing together. Regret sits heavy on my heart, but I know I can never go back and live in your world. If you are ever ready to leave, I’ll hold your cute little mittened hands and help you walk out.

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  • 4 months ago
  • 1
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  • 6 months ago
  • 15

Its hard to be a good friend when I’m still trying to figure out how to be a good friend to myself

Sometimes I’m so stuck in my internal monolog of self hate that I can’t hear anything else

Sometimes talking breathes life into and sometimes the thought of any interaction sends me into an anxiety attack

PTSD can keep me from talking for days at a time without any warning

I guess what I’m saying is that I want to be there for you and connect with you, but sometimes I don’t remember how to talk

I just want to hold your hand and try to breath slowly.

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  • #ptsd #trauma #recovery #abuse survivor #depression #anxiety #sorry
  • 6 months ago
  • 3

Today you and I are free at last

Today is the definition of autumn
You and I walk hand in hand down the quad
And this is what perfect feels like
I feel lucky and my noes feels cold
Are you aware that this is everything to me?
Free falling leaves, the long summer is over
At last

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  • #poem #autumn #leaves #fall #my writing #free #free at last
  • 9 months ago
  • 2

days have passed

burning summer comes and goes

cold air does not chill the murk from my brain

i haven’t really forgetten the things that were said

those caustic words were hot like July at first

but they say that time heals all wounds

that evil falls from the trees in my mind and I think it is gone

the words are coating the ground in my chest like a damp rotting carpet

winter comes and these bitter memories decompose under the snow

and in the spring i absorb them into my mind

take them in and accept them as my own

the angry radiation is long gone and i’ve forgotten last year’s sunburn

my skin is no longer red, but underneath those words take root like cancer

they eat away at my healthy mind, they change me cell by cell

they say words are like knives

but at least a cut will heal

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  • #words #words like knives #depression #poetry #poem #my writing
  • 9 months ago
  • 3



You’ll never shut up the voices in your head. But you WILL get to the point where 95% of the time they start piping up and you go “NICE FUCKING TRY ASSHOLES I AM FABULOUS”

Always reblog!

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  • 11 months ago
  • 4


I am intimately familiar with the feeling called longing
Intense, sharp, caustic need
the kind that chews a hole inside your chest
like a shot of novocain, a burn and a sting

I only ever longed for freedom
burning my hands over a steaming pot
the future stretching out before me
strangled by the sameness and monotony

longing like bile in my throat
gagging, choking, my stomach in knots
fight or flight, but i could do neither
twelve years old and living in my own coffin

need is dangerous
if you acknowledge it, it demands to be satisfied
and when you can’t deliver
longing will

with sharp, curved claws
longing tore it’s way through my lungs
i stopped breathing for 6 years
those talons tore divots in my baby skin

I chased after freedom even as my lips were turning blue
flat on my belly, crawling with my fingernails
this longing is brutal
it will kill you before it will be ignored

every year i long for Fall
every fall i’d turn one year closer to freedom
it was fall when I broke away and started running
fall is a clean cold slate against fevered skin

the longing for freedom is part of being human
it’s right beneath your skin
a hungry monster you will never escape
I’d advise you to embrace it before it eats you alive

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  • #freedom #longing #need #poem #poetry #my writing #cutting #depression #trapped
  • 12 months ago
  • 1

Joining Up

Your inside is so dark that gun smoke seems bright

Your soul is so trapped that marching seems like freedom

Your heart is so wounded that injury seems healing

You are so lost that a barracks seems like a home

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  • #joining up #army #military #poem #poetry #my writing #soldier
  • 12 months ago

sweet dreams

One thousand times
that’s how many times you’ve killed me in my dreams
knives, fire, drowning, skinning, clubbing, worse

Don’t all kids dream this way?
I always tried to replace your face with a monster
love thy parents, must not remember this


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  • #dreams #parents #nightmares #childhood #poem #my writing
  • 1 year ago
  • 1



the thing that sits in my father’s place
does not speak. its mouth is round
and full of serrated teeth
at the end of a table of grisly delicacies
it sits, unsated, claws out
and waits for the main course
open gullet, embodied hunger
i have no tongue and i must watch
as one by one, my sisters are brought
their livers warm, their hearts still beating
their screams the last sound ringing in my ears

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  • 1 year ago
  • 5
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  • 1 year ago
  • 16

Day Twenty-Nine

Hot and sticky
the sheets are adhered to my highs
with dried blood

Throbbing and sick
peel away the bedding and clothing
struggle to stand

Thick wet heat gushes
weak and falling apart at the seams
stomach churning

Naked and fevered
the shower head shoots scalding pellets
scraping away the evidence

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  • #period #being a female #menstruation
  • 1 year ago
  • 1